Cancelling my Life Insurance

Since I was born, my mother took out a life insurance policy for me in the event that something should happen to me and they needed money for burial procedures. (morbid first sentence, I’m sorry.) I’m sure this was a smart move on her behalf from all the trouble I got into as a kid: Bitten in the face by a dog, needed stitches on my forehead from being accidentally hit with a metal bat, almost drowned in a pool at a campground, went outside in my PJs at night alone in search of my parents, etc. But now, I recently got a job that pays our own life insurance and has a better pay out if (god forbid) something happens to me. Thus, I no longer need my childhood policy.

My Mom gave me the task of calling to cancel it. (This was at least 2 months ago) I have still not done so because every time I go to pick up the phone to do it I think, with my bad luck, I’ll do this and something will happen to me soon after. I do not wish to be responsible for an asteroid hurtling towards earth, a zombie apocalypse, or a nuclear war, just because I was trying to cancel my life insurance policy.

I Immediately Regret This Decision

Last night I finally got around to watching the movie Mr.Nobody and I caught something that was said that pertains to how I think about making decisions.

“You have to make the right choice. As long as you don’t choose, everything is possible.” – Nemo Nobody

I’m not a believer in destiny, or soul mates for that matter. I believe every decision you make will lead you to who you will love, what you will do, and where you will end up. I don’t believe that my choices are already predetermined by some higher being or that certain things were fate. I do however believe in luck and inevitable universal truths.

I have a hard time making decisions about almost anything because I’m afraid I could have had a better outcome. Thus, usually after finally making a choice, I immediately think I should have chosen differently. I’m pretty sure this has to do with my anxiety and my fear of not being in control.

So for laughs, I decided to google ways to deal with indecision. Here is what I got, and what I thought while reading them:

1. “Both Options Can Work” – Umm, not always. Maybe when deciding where to eat, but if I chose to get in 1 subway car instead of another, and there is a madman lurking on it, that is definitely not a decision I can work with.

2. “Speak With a Friend” – Why? So they will think I’m crazy too when it takes me an hour to decide between a burger or chicken nuggets at McDonalds? Although I have to say, it is easier to force someone else to make your decision for you so you have someone to blame for your unhappiness later…it honestly makes you feel better.

3. “Listen to your emotions” – No problem. I will keep a flask of vodka with me at all times. Usually after a few drinks I end up choosing to eat things like Macaroni and Cheese pizza at 2am and to walk barefoot around NYC. (both true stories) Those were choices made purely off emotions. “I’m hungry, My feet hurt, etc.”

4. “Flip a coin” – This is actually not a bad idea but in the opposite way that it is intended. Usually whatever “fate” chooses, I find myself wanting the other. However, if I do end up going with what the coin chooses, and it doesn’t work out for the better, I’m going to assume the universe hates me.

I think my fear of decision making is also because of my past bad decisions. For starters, I shouldn’t have decided to get a kitten in only two weeks time. He is now a full grown cat and with every day that he grew older I remembered…I hate cats. There are moments where I do love him…but the majority of the time I kick myself for making a stupid decision that attacks me constantly and smells up the house.

I’ve also made some poor job decisions in the past, bad love interest choices, and have gotten myself into some stupid messes as a teenager. But I guess all of those choices have inevitably led me to where I am now, which is happy. So why change my indecisive nature? It’s obviously worked out for me so far.