Since I was born, my mother took out a life insurance policy for me in the event that something should happen to me and they needed money for burial procedures. (morbid first sentence, I’m sorry.) I’m sure this was a smart move on her behalf from all the trouble I got into as a kid: Bitten in the face by a dog, needed stitches on my forehead from being accidentally hit with a metal bat, almost drowned in a pool at a campground, went outside in my PJs at night alone in search of my parents, etc. But now, I recently got a job that pays our own life insurance and has a better pay out if (god forbid) something happens to me. Thus, I no longer need my childhood policy.
My Mom gave me the task of calling to cancel it. (This was at least 2 months ago) I have still not done so because every time I go to pick up the phone to do it I think, with my bad luck, I’ll do this and something will happen to me soon after. I do not wish to be responsible for an asteroid hurtling towards earth, a zombie apocalypse, or a nuclear war, just because I was trying to cancel my life insurance policy.
Just to pull you all in and make you feel like you have anxiety/paranoia like me, I’ve decided to list some of the silly things most people do or think about on a daily basis that I relate to. As you go through this list and see some things that you have done, don’t think of yourself as being a paranoid, think of yourself as being normal. Everyone has those days where their anxiety is kicked up a notch. It’s just humorous to sit back and observe why we do certain things.
Go into bathroom but look behind the shower curtain first to be sure there are no murders lurking behind it.
While showering, don’t close your eyes for too long because when you open them, murderer will be there waiting.
Just came down with a horrible cough…oh my god I wonder if it could be cancer.
Don’t let your foot hang off the bed at night, the monsters will grab it.
Lock door, check 100 times throughout the night to make sure it is still locked.
Watch a scary movie. Afterwards, being in the mindset that suddenly now all those bad things will happen to you.
Elevator door doesn’t immediately open and your mind goes straight to being trapped or falling to your death.
Driving home after having one beer three hours ago…I’m going to get a DUI.
Send mean text about someone. Then check 50 times to make sure you didn’t send it to that person by mistake.
Hear footsteps in the hall at night. It’s robbers.
Phone rings at 2am. Oh god, someone died.
Mom’s late coming home and isn’t answering her cell phone. I’m going to assume she’s dead.
Someone posts on your Facebook wall but you have to wait a little while to respond or they’ll think you have no life.
Gotta take a drug test. Even though I don’t do drugs, I’ll worry anyway that they will find something.
Wake up before alarm goes off. Assume your alarm didn’t work and your late now.
For more everyday anxieties, google Paranoid Parrot. You will get tons of them. He is me in cartoon form. 🙂