1 in 5 Restaurant Calorie Listings is Off

Of course I come across this article as I am in the process of losing some weight by counting my calories. Apparently some restaurants aren’t entirely correct when listing their meals calories. Tufts University nutrition researchers have shown that nearly one out of five restaurant dishes has at least 100 more calories than what a restaurant states on its website. The underestimated foods came from several restaurant chains, including Chipotle Mexican Grill, Olive Garden, Boston Market and Outback Steakhouse. Of course Chipotle is one of them because I had that today for lunch!!

The lab analysis showed that 19% of the foods tested had 100 or more calories in excess of what was on the website. (Which obviously is awesome because now I get to be paranoid ordering food wondering if I’m just that unlucky to choose one of those items from that 19%) 100 calories may not seem like a lot to people who aren’t counting calories, but it’s the difference of having a snack or not for me.

Continuing on with why the world hates me, according to the Tufts lab analysis, Chipotle’s burrito bowl with rice, black beans, peppers, onions, lettuce, green tomatillo salsa and cheese (which if you notice my picture above is almost EXACTLY what I got today) had 703 total calories which is 249 more than what was expected based on information from the restaurant’s website.

This article just concludes my theory of why I have so much anxiety. It’s because I know how unlucky I am. When you hear about those stories like a plane crashed in the ocean and everyone survived except one unfortunate soul, yeah that person was just like me. I’m that small percentage of things going wrong. I could’ve found an article about McDonalds giving wrong calories or a chain on the West Coast that I’ve  never been to, but no. It’ about the one restaurant that I chose to go to today. Not only that, but it decided to reference the one thing I ordered from the menu as being almost 250 more calories then I thought it was. Now you tell me that it’s all coincidence.

I am paranoid because I just expect the worst possible scenario, always.


CNN Article about this: http://www.cnn.com/2011/HEALTH/07/19/restaurant.calories.off/index.html


Silly Paranoid Moments We All Have

Just to pull you all in and make you feel like you have anxiety/paranoia like me, I’ve decided to list some of the silly things most people do or think about on a daily basis that I relate  to. As you go through this list and see some things that you have done, don’t think of yourself as being a paranoid, think of yourself as being normal. Everyone has those days where their anxiety is kicked up a notch. It’s just humorous to sit back and observe why we do certain things.

  1. Go into bathroom but look behind the shower curtain first to be sure there are no murders lurking behind it.
  2. While showering, don’t close your eyes for too long because when you open them, murderer will be there waiting.
  3. Just came down with a horrible cough…oh my god I wonder if it could be cancer.
  4. Don’t let your foot hang off the bed at night, the monsters will grab it.
  5. Lock door, check 100 times throughout the night to make sure it is still locked.
  6. Watch a scary movie. Afterwards, being in the mindset that suddenly now all those bad things will happen to you.
  7. Elevator door doesn’t immediately open and your mind goes straight to being trapped or falling to your death.
  8. Driving home after having one beer three hours ago…I’m going to get a DUI.
  9. Send mean text about someone. Then check 50 times to make sure  you didn’t send it to that person by mistake.
  10. Hear footsteps in the hall at night. It’s robbers.
  11. Phone rings at 2am. Oh god, someone died.
  12. Mom’s late coming home and isn’t answering her cell phone. I’m going to assume she’s dead.
  13. Someone posts on your Facebook wall but you have to wait a little while to respond or they’ll think  you have no life.
  14. Gotta take a drug test. Even though I don’t do drugs, I’ll worry anyway that they will find something.
  15. Wake up before alarm goes off. Assume your alarm didn’t work and your late now.
For more everyday anxieties, google Paranoid Parrot. You will get tons of them. He is me in cartoon form. 🙂

Worrying About Spontaneous Face Combustion

Okay world, you win. You have officially come up with the craziest thing for me to worry about: Spontaneous Face Combustion.

Kim Grice, a 29-year-old mother of three, was having a routine outpatient surgery to remove some growths from her face when it BURST INTO FLAME. This poor woman suffered burns to her face and neck and had to be helicoptered to the University of South Alabama’s Burn Unit on Tuesday morning.

APPARENTLY what happened to Kim Grice was not an isolated incident. Experts have estimated that each year 650 fires flare up in operating rooms around the country. Some patients have recovered with scars and emotional damage but some DIE from burns and smoke inhalation. Why have I never heard of this?!

They are investigating the “flash fire” but apparently the doctors are as surprised as everyone else. I guess this explains the reactions of the doctors in this photo below.

“God golly gosh! This has startled me. What should we do? Let’s marvel at it for a bit. I mean, it IS a medical mystery!”

I can now add a new fear to my list for when I have to have any type of surgery done to me in the future. Thanks world. I’m pretty sure you’re doing this on purpose now just to laugh at people with anxiety and paranoia issues like myself. Awesomeness!

MSNBC article: http://vitals.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2011/12/02/9168719-womans-face-catches-on-fire-during-surgery

Horses: The New Meat? Another Food I’m Afraid of Liking

While having my morning work ritual of reading online news stories, one caught my interest. It was an article announcing that in the next month it may be possible that slaughterhouses will begin to produce horse meat or “Basashi” as it’s known in Japan. This made me nervous for two reasons: #1 Because of the role horses have played as companions and as workers, it is a taboo food source in some cultures. This makes me wonder if someday in the future, dogs will be considered food in the US as well. Why not? That last statement pertains to your family pet or a seeing eye dog too. And #2 What if I end up loving horse meat??

I am an animal lover. I am however not a vegetarian. I get by eating meat by creating an elaborate story in my head of how this cow or pig or bird was an asshole. That they were the Hitler’s of their animal world and I am doing the rest of the animals a favor by devouring them. I’m telling you, it works. Next time you feel bad about eating that cheeseburger, just picture that cow picking on other defenseless cows. Cow tipping teenages? Hell no, it was this jerk in my hand that’s smothered in cheese.

Certain animals I just can’t picture being evil and this is where it gets hard to eat them. For example, I am so thankful that I do not like lamb. Tried it once and will never have it again, not a fan. Thank god though, because how can I picture this being evil??

My downfall though is veal. Damn you veal for being so delicious! I rarely eat it though, but when I have no choice, I just do it. I used to eat veal all the time when I was younger. My parents never told me what it was. When I would ask what kind of meat it was, they would tell me cow. My smart parents, they didn’t technically lie. When I got older I was told what veal really was. I remember wanting to cry and throw it all back up and shape it back into the poor creatures that I had so selfishly feasted on. For those of you that are unaware of what veal is, it is the meat of young cows (calves) that are kept in hutches, which keeps them isolated and restricts movement to prevent connective tissue from developing, as the taste of veal raised in this manner is considered desirable. So basically baby cows get taken from their mothers, stuffed in crates so they can’t develop correctly, and then are killed. DAMN YOU TASTE BUDS!

So on top of these meats (as well as being worried that I am eating cat when I order from Chinese restaurants) now I have to worry about eating horses. I love horses, they are gentle and graceful. Black Beauty, Seabiscuit, no! What’s even worse is I looked up what horse meat tastes like. It’s apparently slightly sweet, tender, low in fat and high in protein. Great, I’ll probably love it.

If you want to read more about the issue, the link is below.

Associated Press Article : http://news.yahoo.com/horses-could-soon-slaughtered-meat-us-080907323.html

The Holiday Gift Guide For Your Paranoid Friend

Just in time for the holiday shopping season, here is a list of holiday gifts to give to that special paranoid or anxiety driven someone in your life:

(Click the photos to buy)

1. The Twelve South BookBook Case for Laptops, iPhones and iPads

If your special someone is anything like me, they will constantly be afraid of having their stuff stolen. Every morning before I go to work, I make sure to hide my laptop somewhere in my room “logically assuming” that a possible robber won’t look hard enough to find it. Not anymore with the Twelve South BookBook case. You can now hide your laptop, iPhone or iPad by disguising it as an old boring leather-bound book.

2. The Baker’s Edge Nonstick Edge Brownie Pan

Does your special someone have a sweet tooth but is too stressed about not getting the awesome corner brownies? Fear not! Now everyone can have corner brownies with the Baker’s Edge Nonstick Edge Brownie Pan!!

3. The Spy Bolt Covert Hidden Contents Secret Container

Perhaps your special someone has some diamonds laying around their house that they fear will be lost or stolen. Or maybe your special someone is more normal and has some rolled up cash that they need to put somewhere for safe keeping. The Spy Bolt is perfect for hiding small items in plain sight!

4. Anti-Theft Lunch Bags

Does your special someone feel uncomfortable with leaving their precious lunches in the company refrigerator for fear that someone may steal it? No more worrying with these anti-theft bags that make it seem as if your sandwich is moldy and disgusting when really it is fresh and delicious. The only worry they will have now is if one of your coworkers actually decides to clean out the fridge. Haha, yeah right!

5. The Plug Mug

Another gift for your office working special someone, the plug mug! Is your special someone convinced that her gross coworker with the constant herpes outbreaks keeps stealing their mug to use, then this is the perfect gift. The plug is detachable and can be kept with you while your not using the mug so if anyone else tries to use it they will have a horrible mess to clean up.

6. Mustache on a Stick

Perhaps your special someone has social anxiety and hates to go out to the store in fear of seeing someone she knows. With Mustache on a Stick they can quickly and easily disguise themselves as someone else! No one will have any idea who you are anymore when you put mustache on a stick up to your nose. Expect to hear a lot of, “Sorry I thought you were someone else.” Mustache on a Stick comes in three exciting colors: Black, Grey, and Brown!

7. Suitjamas

Is your special someone so nervous about looking like a hobo when going to sleep for fear of seeing someone they know or someone really good looking in the middle of the night? Well they can put those worries to sleep (pun) when you get them Suitjamas! Now you can sleep comfortably and still look sexy. Like Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother says, “it’s about looking good ALL the time.”

8. The Ultimate Swiss Army Knife

Does your special someone fear they will be in a situation where they will need something but won’t have it? Do they have anxiety when flying or sailing because they are afraid of crashing on some deserted island with only one item on them? Well now they can rest easy knowing that they will be deserted with this little baby. The Ultimate Swiss Army Knife has 85 tools combined into it. Become the ruler of the island and have other survivors bow down to you with this little tool.

9. Medieval Warrior Umbrella Sword Cane

Does your special someone ever feel scared when walking home in the rain in the night by themselves? Then this is the perfect gift for them. When lingering criminals see the handle to this umbrella, they’ll know you are not to be messed with. However, if a real Medieval Warrior see’s this and challenges you to a fight to the death, I’d run. “Don’t make me think I won’t cut you” will be your new catch phrase!

10. Vampire Killing Kit

Does your special someone wear garlic on them at all times, get scared watching the Twilight movies and took a wood carving class just to learn how to carve a cross into a stake? Then this Vampire Killing Kit is the perfect holiday gift. No longer will they have to fear the undead! They can become a modern day Van Helsing and rise above the Vampires!

Be sure to show that special paranoid or anxiety driven someone in your life just how much you care about them even with their crazy “mental condition”.

Happy Holidays! 🙂

New Things to Be Afraid Of: Compliments of My Mother

No wonder I am anxiously nervous about everything, it probably stems from my Mother being the same way. I went home to visit her this weekend and she must have given me at least three new things to worry about.

The first is that she hates going to Chinese Buffets because she is afraid that little kids try food and spit it out back into the tray, touch the food with their hands, and/or sneezes in it. You better believe that next time I go to a Chinese Buffet (which I normally love by the way) I will be thinking about what my mother told me. If any little kids are near me getting food by themselves I will probably have a mini panic attack. I’ll just stick to eating the vegetable dishes…little kids kryptonite.

The second was that if I get a puppy, I will no longer have a life. I reminded her that she has “getting a puppy” mixed up with “having a baby”. She then continued to tell me that the vet bills are ridiculous, you will never get to travel and that you always have to make sure someone is there to let the dog out. I told her that I had answers to all of her puppy having issues and said that I was never going to be able to give her grandchildren if I didn’t know how to take care of something else first. She quickly stopped her puppy debate. Score one for me, but now I have all these cons of having a puppy in my head when I was only focused on this super cute pro:

Lastly, she told me that our dog has not liked being in the basement lately. To the average person this would not seem like a big deal but to me I see it as something evil is living downstairs and my dog feels it’s presence. On top of this, I often have to sleep in my basement when there is a full house and not I will most likely freak myself out with thoughts of the Paranormal Activity movies. Going to be a fun holiday weekend!










I will be returning home in a few days to celebrate the Thanksgiving weekend with her. I’m sure I will have new phobias to write about on here after my visit.

I’m going to start drawing cartoons or taking pictures of my own cat to give me a sort of cartoon/comic book alias in my blog posts. What better character to be then a “scaredy cat”? For now I will steal from Google:

I’ll update this post with drawing’s or pictures when I figure out how I want to go about it. 🙂

My Google-Diagnosis – Anxiety Disorder

After Google-diagnosing myself, I’ve come to the very real conclusion that I have a type of Anxiety Disorder referred to as Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) as well as a slight case of Panic Disorder. As defined by the Anxiety Disorders Association of America (ADAA), “Generalized Anxiety Disorder is characterized by persistent, excessive, and unrealistic worry about everyday things. People with the disorder experience exaggerated worry and tension, often expecting the worst, even when there is no apparent reason for concern. They anticipate disaster and are overly concerned about money, health, family, work, or other issues. They don’t know how to stop the worry cycle and feel it is beyond their control, even though they usually realize that their anxiety is more intense than the situation warrants. GAD affects 6.8 million adults, or 3.1% of the U.S. population, in any given year. Women are twice as likely to be affected.” Panic Disorder on the other hand is just a fancy word used to describe Panic/Anxiety Attacks which I don’t get often but have had.

I have always had this sort of lingering anxiety in my mind but only recently has it become a little out of control at times. I’ve never brought it up to a doctor before for fear of them having to run tests on me or prescribing me “zombie medication”. (Yes, you will be able to see/find my posts laced with worry) Of course I entertained the idea of resorting to prescription medication but why would I want to dull down my ridiculous imagination? “Normal” people riding the subway when it stops between stations may simply get aggravated and wait for it to move again. My brain on the other hand immediately concocts an elaborate action movie scenario where the train is being hijacked by terrorists and I must survive. In my mind this is a total possibility to me by the way, joking aside.

With all of this medical mumbo jumbo it’s easy for some to think that I believe I have some sort of debilitating mental condition that is ruining my life. In reality, I don’t always mind it. Yes it gets annoying when my brain goes into “threat level midnight” mode over the smallest thoughts, especially when I know that I’m being ridiculous, but it makes me who I am in some weird way. I have been thinking of going to therapy though and feel that it may actually give me some interesting posts to write on here about how people try to deal with treating Anxiety Disorders. I’ve read that many people who feel that they have anxiety are too afraid to seek help for it because they are ashamed or believe people will think they are a hypochondriac. I on the other hand don’t feel ashamed in telling someone that I’m a tad bit crazy because honestly everyone that I’ve found to be interesting in this world was at least a little insane.

“I guess the line between being paranoid and being a rock star is smaller than one would expect.” – Brian Molko

– LaLa