10 Reasons Why Santa is Terrifying

Why aren’t more people afraid of Santa?? Have we become such a materialistic society that as long as you get free stuff you can overlook other obvious creepy things? Let’s take a look at the list:

1. He has tiny minions.

2. He breaks into your house in the middle of the night.

3. He makes out with your Mom. “I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus.”

4. He eats your food.

5. He kills Grandmas. “Grandma got run over by a reindeer.”

6. “He see’s you when your sleeping, he knows when your awake.” …creepy much?

7. He loves little kids…actually, he loves little kids on his lap.

8. It seems like he is everywhere! Malls, TV, etc.

9. He has the technology to make things as simple as a rocking horse or as complicated as a video game system.

10. He is immortal, can fit into small spaces, and can visit everyone’s  house in one night.

Definitely sounds like a guy I’d want around my children and who I’d let in my house late at night while I sleep.

…Merry Christmas! 🙂

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The Holiday Gift Guide For Your Paranoid Friend

Just in time for the holiday shopping season, here is a list of holiday gifts to give to that special paranoid or anxiety driven someone in your life:

(Click the photos to buy)

1. The Twelve South BookBook Case for Laptops, iPhones and iPads

If your special someone is anything like me, they will constantly be afraid of having their stuff stolen. Every morning before I go to work, I make sure to hide my laptop somewhere in my room “logically assuming” that a possible robber won’t look hard enough to find it. Not anymore with the Twelve South BookBook case. You can now hide your laptop, iPhone or iPad by disguising it as an old boring leather-bound book.

2. The Baker’s Edge Nonstick Edge Brownie Pan

Does your special someone have a sweet tooth but is too stressed about not getting the awesome corner brownies? Fear not! Now everyone can have corner brownies with the Baker’s Edge Nonstick Edge Brownie Pan!!

3. The Spy Bolt Covert Hidden Contents Secret Container

Perhaps your special someone has some diamonds laying around their house that they fear will be lost or stolen. Or maybe your special someone is more normal and has some rolled up cash that they need to put somewhere for safe keeping. The Spy Bolt is perfect for hiding small items in plain sight!

4. Anti-Theft Lunch Bags

Does your special someone feel uncomfortable with leaving their precious lunches in the company refrigerator for fear that someone may steal it? No more worrying with these anti-theft bags that make it seem as if your sandwich is moldy and disgusting when really it is fresh and delicious. The only worry they will have now is if one of your coworkers actually decides to clean out the fridge. Haha, yeah right!

5. The Plug Mug

Another gift for your office working special someone, the plug mug! Is your special someone convinced that her gross coworker with the constant herpes outbreaks keeps stealing their mug to use, then this is the perfect gift. The plug is detachable and can be kept with you while your not using the mug so if anyone else tries to use it they will have a horrible mess to clean up.

6. Mustache on a Stick

Perhaps your special someone has social anxiety and hates to go out to the store in fear of seeing someone she knows. With Mustache on a Stick they can quickly and easily disguise themselves as someone else! No one will have any idea who you are anymore when you put mustache on a stick up to your nose. Expect to hear a lot of, “Sorry I thought you were someone else.” Mustache on a Stick comes in three exciting colors: Black, Grey, and Brown!

7. Suitjamas

Is your special someone so nervous about looking like a hobo when going to sleep for fear of seeing someone they know or someone really good looking in the middle of the night? Well they can put those worries to sleep (pun) when you get them Suitjamas! Now you can sleep comfortably and still look sexy. Like Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother says, “it’s about looking good ALL the time.”

8. The Ultimate Swiss Army Knife

Does your special someone fear they will be in a situation where they will need something but won’t have it? Do they have anxiety when flying or sailing because they are afraid of crashing on some deserted island with only one item on them? Well now they can rest easy knowing that they will be deserted with this little baby. The Ultimate Swiss Army Knife has 85 tools combined into it. Become the ruler of the island and have other survivors bow down to you with this little tool.

9. Medieval Warrior Umbrella Sword Cane

Does your special someone ever feel scared when walking home in the rain in the night by themselves? Then this is the perfect gift for them. When lingering criminals see the handle to this umbrella, they’ll know you are not to be messed with. However, if a real Medieval Warrior see’s this and challenges you to a fight to the death, I’d run. “Don’t make me think I won’t cut you” will be your new catch phrase!

10. Vampire Killing Kit

Does your special someone wear garlic on them at all times, get scared watching the Twilight movies and took a wood carving class just to learn how to carve a cross into a stake? Then this Vampire Killing Kit is the perfect holiday gift. No longer will they have to fear the undead! They can become a modern day Van Helsing and rise above the Vampires!

Be sure to show that special paranoid or anxiety driven someone in your life just how much you care about them even with their crazy “mental condition”.

Happy Holidays! 🙂